DAFT Investigations, iPad Frypans: April Fools!

Pointy-fingered smartphone users, green-fingered data centre managers. April Fools, or true?

In a surge of unexpected revelations, it seems that data centre managers are growing dope, and iPad users are stuffing their gadgets in crisp packets to preserve their data.

A burst of unlikely stories, that may or may not have something to do with today’s date, also include a new iPad accessory that allows users to cook themselves a fat-free virtual fried egg. Here are our favourite stories from the web so far.

Smartphone users’ fingers get pointier?

The iPan, from Gear4, includes a handle that plugs into the iPad’s docking port connector, and its makers are apparently “in negotiation” with celebrity Gillian MacKieth to promote it as a diet aid.

A Rutland data centre was busted as a front for a dope factory, according to a report in ZDNet. “It seems as if datacentres are the ideal cover. They use lots of power, generate lots of heat, are highly secure, have powerful air filtration and plenty of room,” said the inspector in charge of the joint operation. “Network operatives always act a bit stoned anyway, so they evaded suspicion for years.”

iPad users are vulnerable to a “substrate hack” in which data leaks out through the physical metal/plastic/glass device, and can only be guarded against by covering your device with a metalised plastic wrapper, such as an old crisp packet, according to the usually-reliable security source, Sophos.

Google, as is now traditional, livened up the day with a nice idea: Gmail Motion, a Kinect-style motion control for Gmail.

The human genome has been altered by use of technology according to a report which says smartphone users “are evolving pointier fingers”, according to Silicon.

ThinkGeek has put together a PlayMobil Apple Store, which includes a turtle-neck wearing Steve Jobs, and a slot to insert your iPhone as a giant display screen.

Virgin Media have told us in an email that the Department of Authentic and Fair Trading (DAFT) has launched an investigation following reports that it is being uncompetitive by providing companies with connectivity services that are “too fast”, using its fibre network.

Meanwhile, open source insiders were howling at the suggestion that rival distributions Arch Linux, Debian, Gentoo, Grml and openSUSE were to merge in a unified version known as the Canterbury Project, which would “be as technologically simple as Arch, as stable as Debian, malleable as Gentoo, have a solid Live framework as Grml, and be as open minded as openSUSE.

But some stories have got us scratching our head. Is that really a leaked video of WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange dancing?